


These Are My Confessions

by songofthe52hertzwhale



Series: Dalton Big Bang 2018 [1]
Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofthe52hertzwhale/pseuds/songofthe52hertzwhale
Summary: Julian's already told Logan he's in love with him.So why does it still feel like he's hiding something?





	These Are My Confessions

Logan doesn’t understand.

He knows Julian’s whole confession of love had come in the worst of ways, knows how unfair it is that he’d been forced to say those words the way he had, held at knifepoint until he spit out that first awful  _I love you_.

But say it he had.

Logan knows it hadn’t been a lie. They haven’t talked about it as much as Logan would _like_ , but they’ve danced around the subject, and Julian’s made it pretty damn clear that he does feel that way. About Logan.

So Logan doesn’t understand why he won’t _do_ anything about it.

He’s tried, day after day. He’s asked Julian on dates, wrapped a casual arm around his shoulders, leaned in to softly kiss his cheek. Each time, Julian’s shut him out. He’s said no, pulled away, ducked his head to avoid Logan’s lips.

Logan doesn’t _understand_.

If Julian really loves him like he’d said, why wouldn’t he want this? It’s the first time Logan’s been sure about someone’s feelings for him, the only time he’s known going in that his feelings were reciprocated. Still, no matter what he does, he’s turned down. It doesn’t make sense.

Maybe his methods aren’t impressive enough. Julian’s seen him flirt with guys before, knows exactly what Logan’s usual game is. Maybe he wants something different.

So Logan changes things up.

Instead of the public displays, the songs that don’t seem to have gotten Julian’s attention, he tries something quieter. He brings Julian his coffee in the morning, fills it with just the right amount of sugar and creamer. Decorates his room with flowers — _not_ roses — and little love notes. Convinces Julian to go to dinner with him, tries to hold his hand over the table.

Still, each time, Julian pulls away.

After days, weeks, _months_ of Logan’s efforts failing, he finally confronts the problem head-on.

“Okay, what’s going on?” He pushes into Julian’s room, closes the door firmly behind him and leans against it, just in case Julian gets any wild ideas about fleeing from this conversation.

Julian looks up from his position hunched over a stack of scripts on his desk, slightly confused at the intrusion, “I’m role-prepping? I told you, this one's based on a whole book series, and I need to know how my character develops to really--”

“Not with that," Logan interrupts, "With us.”

Julian’s expression freezes, “Us.”

“You told me you were in love with me.”

“Not willingly.”

“So it was a lie?”

Julian sets his highlighter down, leans back in his chair, “I already told you it wasn’t.”

“Then why?”

“You’re really going to need to be more specific, Logan.”

Logan nearly rips out his own hair in frustration. He moves across the room, settles onto the low bench at the foot of Julian’s bed. It’s close enough that he can see the shifting of expressions in Julian’s eyes, far enough that Julian won’t get skittish.

“I’ve been flirting,” he says, struggling to keep his voice calm, “A lot.”

“I know.”

“I’ve asked you out. We’ve _gone_ out. But you won’t…if I try to hold your hand, or kiss you, or _anything_ , you practically run away.”

“You don’t have to do all that,” Julian says quietly, “I told you, I don’t expect anything to change. We’re friends. I'm fine with that.”

“But we could be _more,”_ Logan leans forward, “Julian, I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“Well you thought wrong.”

“So let me get this straight, then — you love me, right? I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m interested. We’re both single.So what is it? Do you not believe me? Because I wouldn’t be doing all this if I wasn’t sure, Julian.”

“I know.”

“Then what is it?”

Julian says nothing. He shuts his eyes, leans forward a little and leans against his hands. Logan tries to be patient. He really does. But when a few moments pass and Julian still makes no move to speak, he loses his cool. He rises to his feet, moves closer to Julian’s desk and slams his hands down.

“God damnit, Julian, _talk to me!_ What is it?”

Julian mumbles something, but the words are muffled against his palms. Logan reaches forward, pulls Julian’s hands away from his face.

“Would you talk to me, already?!”

“I’m _scared_ , okay?!” The confession bursts from Julian’s lips, taking even him by surprise, “I’m fucking _terrified_.”

Logan’s thrown off by that. He leans back, blinks in confusion as Julian pushes away from the desk and crosses his arms over his chest.

“I can’t lose you,” Julian continues, “I’ve…I’ve spent _years_ learning how to be okay with this. I can handle you not wanting me. I can help you with other boys until it hurts. But I can’t do this.”

“Julian, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“If I had you…” Julian takes a breath, pointedly refuses to meet Logan’s eyes, “If I knew what it was like to be _yours_ , and I lost it? If I lost you? I don’t think I could get through that, Logan. If I had you, and then I didn’t…I’m pretty sure it would kill me.”

“That’s…Julian, that’s ridiculous. You’re not going to lose me.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Because you’re my best friend,” Logan moves closer, reaches for Julian’s hands, “Look, Julian, I’m not going anywhere. Even if this doesn’t work, you’ll still be my best friend.”

“You can’t promise that. If we tried, and it backfired — if we wound up hurting each other — I don’t know if I’d be okay just being your friend anymore. Not after knowing what it’s like to be more.”

“So what, you’re just gonna refuse to try?”

When Julian says nothing, Logan slides his hands up Julian’s arms, rests one on his shoulder and brings the other to cup his chin. He tilts it up, forces Julian to finally look at him. His eyes are a little watery, and Logan feels a twinge of pain knowing that those tears are because of _him_.

“You’re right. This could be a disaster. A pretty epic one. But what if it _isn’t_?” He smiles a little, strokes across Julian’s jawline, “What it was _great_? You’ve seen me at my absolute worst and you still want me. I’ve seen you at your worst, and I’m still here.”

“But what if—”

“Don’t shut me out just because you’re scared. I’m scared too. But I know I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t give this a shot.”

He leans in, presses his lips to Julian’s cheek in a faint semblance of a kiss.

“Think about it, okay? I’d like to take you out for dinner tonight, if that’s okay with you. If not I understand. I won’t bother you about this anymore.”

He smiles softly, gives Julian what he hopes is a reassuring look, and rises to his feet. He’s halfway out the door before Julian finds his voice.

“Lo?”

“Yeah?”

“…could we go to Shikon? Around seven?”

“Of course. I’ll see you tonight, Jules.”


End file.
